Lost Childhood

Programmes have soft names – safe child, life skill teaching, adolescent health program. Do we talk to kids about their physical and emotional changes in a scientific way?” Vidya Reddy of Tulir wants “shame” removed from the child’s awareness of his body. “Terms should be simple and age appropriate. Saying, ‘Don’t allow anyone to touch you,’ puts the burden of responsibility on the child. Say, ‘It is not all right for anyone to touch you except for medical reasons.’ Empower kids. Their reporting is necessary to ensure their safety.”

Who is an abuser?

There are no psychological tools to profile them. “He could be the “nice” uncle in a stormy home,” said Nitya. “There are far more people with sexual interest in kids than we can count,” warned Vidya. Abuse takes several forms, can happen under a parent’s gaze. Tickling and hugging can be unsafe for the child. “Abusers are manipulative and clever and abuse often goes on for years.” All kids are at risk.

At what age should kids know?

“Good touch and bad touch at the primary level,” said Nandi Shah of Ashraya. “Body parts and functions at secondary, then sexuality, right to privacy, safety and choice. Parents, teachers, care-givers and counsellors should be sensitised and trained to support.” Nitya said, “People will take what they’re capable of. We should impart info in a non-sensational way.”

How does theatre help?

“Theatre has variety- such as role play, puppetry, story telling,” said Nitya. “Children could choose the issues, perform in different languages. Scripts could be based on first-hand stories. Theatre is most effective in schools with kids from challenged homes/backgrounds.” A pre and post performance questionnaire gives direction to Nalamdana’s work. “But counselling by experts must follow.”

What can we do?

Nitya wants a Kids’ Forum. “If kids are trained to retort in groups, the abuser will be kept at bay. Why can’t TV serials mainstream the issue?” Ready and quick help when they need it, said Nandi. “Tell the abused child it is not her fault,” say activists. Listen when they complain, or they’ll clam up. The abuser is often someone the kid loves and trusts or a person in authority. “Take it seriously, without showing alarm or distress,” said Vidya. “Respond calmly and do something about it.”

“Parents should create an atmosphere where the child feels free to talk without fear of ridicule or criticism. Schools must be pro-active on protection against abuse. We need clear, stern laws and a child-friendly investigating system. Or we victimise the child many times over.”

Do you know

Where the kids are and who they are with?

Have open, non-judgmental conversations with kids?

Respect their right to say they don’t like an adult in the family?

Make sure the school has a protection policy?

Find out how the school responds to allegations of abuse?

 http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-features/tp-metroplus/the-nowhere-children-do-you-know/article2279754.ece